I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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