Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
