So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
