I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
