oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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