ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
