The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
