woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You dont lie about slip and slides
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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