and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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