Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize