Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My ass is underappreciated
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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