Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
