He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
