Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
