Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
