he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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