It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
