so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
