How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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