True but thats because hes a fetus.
what day is it and did you see me today?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
