Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
