You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
