It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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