All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't think brook has ever known best
mondays should just be called national damage control day
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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