can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
