You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
