im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
