Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
