I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
