To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize