Where is the hickey?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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