why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
