Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think my vagina is haunted
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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