Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
