Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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