I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
