If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
