So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
