"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
