He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
