Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
