Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
