he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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