Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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