That's when you crack a 10am beer
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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