y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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