I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
