Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
