I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
