I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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