Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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