yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Actions speak louder than pants.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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