Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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