Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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