That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize