I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he puts the penis in happiness.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
