He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
