i just wanna soil my oats bro
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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