is wine microwaveable?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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