I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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