Sry I called you an 8
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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