Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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