i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
