Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
