he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize