I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Houston, we have a blender
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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