i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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