when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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