If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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