we're making bets on your personal life
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
