there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
