I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
