What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
