At least make sure they are 18
Why
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
