Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
