Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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