I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
