theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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