Welp...herpes.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
