You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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