I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
