overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
