I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Acid is not a monday night drug
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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