I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
