I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
