the condom got lost in my hair
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We don't watch enough power rangers
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
