My nipple is on Facebook.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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