what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
