my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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