im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
