She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize