I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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