Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
