LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize