K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
