A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
