I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize