google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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