One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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