And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
