I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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