**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
