So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
