I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
