How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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