i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
