Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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