Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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