dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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