CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
