Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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